Honj Kong Feng Shui (or man I am board with Grace gone)

Hong Kong Feng Shui

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Founder and Leader of San Francisco Dojo.

“The great Masters of old used to say that if a room is aligned with the stars, more women remove clothings more readily. Prepare yourself for war. ”

~ Sun-Tzu on "The Art of Bedroom War, 69th Edition", UnCycloUniv Press, 1950

Hong Kong Feng Shui

Hong Kong Feng Shui is a little known branch of Feng Shui, practiced in San Francisco and modeled after the great masters of Hong Kong Interior Design. The leader of the American West Coast Movement is Hong Kong Phooey.

Hong Kong Feng Shui is an offshoot of traditional simplified Chinese Feng Shui. Hong Kong Feng Shui was started in the early forties to combat the blurry visions and general disorderlinesses caused by Dr. Timothy Leary's new wonder cure forbordom. Many rooms in San Francisco hadn't up to this point been touched up by the eventual throngs of homosexuals that would make San Francisco their Mecca. In the mean time, San Francisco needed something that would create cozy rooms, that would purify and ease the troubled visions from the beatniks that came to indemnify the city.

Hong Kong Phooey

Born into a nuevo-rich family in 1930s San Francisco, Hong Kong Phooey is recognized as the original master of Hong Kong Feng Shui. He is descended from ancient Chinese/Man Dog combinations, allegedly cognizant of the ever present threat of the wok and his ensuing crispy skin. His ability to perfectly align filing cabinets along the polar axis is the stuff of legend, and many of the world's leading lights from the Hong Kong Feng Shui movement have learned directly from the Master himself.

Room Layout

It's easy to "map" your bedroom according to Feng Shui principles so you can create more harmony in the bedroom.

• 1. First, draw a roughly square outline of your bedroom on a piece of paper. The wall that has the primary entrance to your room in it should be the lower line of the square.

• 2. Divide the square into nine equal squares, three rows of 3 squares each.

• 3. Start with the lowest row of squares, that describes the areas when you first walk into your bedroom. The far left corner of the room when you first enter is the area of Carnal Knowledge. The center square relates to Career or lack thereof, and the right-hand square is Helpful People.

• 4. Now look at the central row of squares, that describes the middle of your bedroom. The far left square relates to Family/Medical Malpriactice. The central square is the Tao, or Center, and the right-hand square is Creativity/Children.

• 5. Lastly, look at the top row of squares. The far left square relates to Money, the central square to Fame/Reputation, and the far right square to Relationships/Romance.

• 6. Here are some objects that will work best for each area of your room, helping you to attract more of what you need.

Knowledge: Bookcase, books

Career: Mirrors or water-related items.

Helpful People/Travel: Pictures of your friends.

Family/Health: Family photos, heirlooms, plants.

Creativity/Children: Art supplies, artwork, computer.

Wealth: Money, jewelry, fish, fountains, anything red, purple or gold.

Fame/Reputation: Candles, awards, plants, anything red, orange or purple.

Relationships/Romance: Round or oval mirrors, anything pink, pictures of loved ones, paired objects like two candlesticks

Costs

Hong Kong in an undated photo making free Feng Shui rounds with his as of yet uneaten Cat.

The costs are the most prohibitive factor in determining how Feng your room is. It can cost you your immortal soul to have a room out of alignment. In order to protect your earthly investment, you should visit a Feng Shui advisor nearest you. Ask for the Hong Kong Phooey Method and you'll get a rebate on.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Feng Shui.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hong Kong Phooey.